My teacher says I have sentences messed up and I have many puctuation and on going sentences? can someone please underline my mistakes or do something to show me my mistakes.There once were five perfectly shaped seeds named Victoria, Chelbj, Tehani, and Tete. They all hated one, ugly, deformed seed named Rahnay. Luckily, Rahnay had Briana, Joss, and Lauryn as her friends. Because of Joss, Lauryn, and Briana, Rahnay put up with the bullying. Now the five perfect seeds would only bully Rahnay because she was the only one different.
One day when Rahnay was walking through the desert by herself. BOOM! She was pummeled in the face by a pebble.
"OW!" Rahnay yelled as she fell to the ground. She looked around searching for at least one of her friends. Finally, she spotted Joss and Lauryn.
“Joss, Lauryn help me!” Rahnay yelled as loud as she could. Lauryn and Joss heard Rahnays plead for help so they ran over there as fast as they could.
“Why are they throwing stuff at you? It looks like it hurts are you ok?” said Lauryn and Joss.
"t doesn’t hurt that bad but I want it to stop. Help me and stop this, please" replied Rahnay.
“Well, on second thought I think we’ll join them. This looks like fun, especially because you said it doesn’t hurt that bad. We want to make you feel real pain.” Said Lauryn and Joss unmannerly. They then started throwing anything they could find on the ground. Thankfully, Briana heard Rahnays plead. It took her longer to get there but when she got there and saw what was happening, she got furious.
“What is going on here!” Briana yelled so loud everyone stopped what they were doing.
“Briana come on and join us. It’s fun throwing stuff at this loser that’s dragging us down.” Lauryn and Joss said to Briana.
“Never! I made a promise to a friend that there for me so I will be there for her! You guys can go join them but you will never have a good time with them. They won’t know the real you. They won’t know when you're down and when you are down, they won’t know how to cheer you up. We do but I guess you think those seeds that judge everything are better than the seeds that will support you no matter what.” Briana stated full of compassion. Later that night Briana and Rahnay talked to mother nature.
“Mother nature we are here to point out a problem we are tired of and we hope that you can please help us by stopping this problem.” Rahnay and Briana said to mother nature. They told mother nature everything that was happening. Mother nature never interrupted and when one of them started crying, she would comfort them.
“I am sorry I didn’t notice sooner. I hear your problem and I will fix it. Although, I must ask you to make sure everyone including those 5 devil seeds are out in the open tonight.” mother nature replied with reassurance.
