Dear Mr. Sanchez:
Your efforts to promote ethical business practices in our city have drawn national recognition. You are an excellent role model for all our citizens, especially our youth.
Following your leadership, next month Jackson High School, in partnership with the Decatur Chamber of Commerce, will be hosting our second annual Ethics and Leadership for Youth conference. Last year the ELY conference had more than 1,500 attendees from district high schools. This year we are increasing our registration to accommodate 750 more students from neighboring school districts. We are excited that so many students are interested in promoting ethics and leadership in their community.
Last year, after learning about the importance of ethical leadership, students who attended our conference returned to their home schools and implemented a total of nine ethics and leadership initiatives.
One of these initiatives included a project in which students researched ethical leaders in the local community. Naturally, the students encountered much of your work and have humbly requested your presence at the Ethics and Leadership for Youth conference this year. As a speaker at the ELY conference, you would have the opportunity to significantly impact our next generation of leaders.
Sincerely,
Jan Sanduccino,
Principal Jackson High School
1. Which of the following is the best revision for the third paragraph?
a. Last year, after learning about the importance of ethical leadership, students who attended our conference returned to their home schools and implemented a total of nine ethics and leadership initiatives. One of these initiatives included a project in which students researched ethical leaders in the local community. Naturally, the students encountered much of your work and have humbly requested your presence at the Ethics and Leadership for Youth conference this year. As a speaker at the ELY conference, you would have the opportunity to significantly impact our next generation of leaders.
b. Last year, after learning about the importance of ethical leadership, students who attended our conference returned to their home schools and implemented a total of nine ethics and leadership initiatives. One of these initiatives included a project in which students researched ethical leaders in the local community.
2. What are the major problems with the above message?
a. It is not opaque, and it provides too many details.
b. It does not state the reasons before the main idea, and it has no reader benefits.
c. It fails to provide any easy excuses, and it would make the reader feel bad to decline,
3. Effective claim and complaint messages:
a. Vent anger
b. Provide a blow-by-blow description of details
c. Make a reasonable request