Not sure if it is ok not to ask this but can someone proofread this and give suggestions or comments about please. Its for Penn Foster Personal Narrative and Written Communication

Not sure if it is ok not to ask this but can someone proofread this and give suggestions or comments about please Its for Penn Foster Personal Narrative and Wri class=
Not sure if it is ok not to ask this but can someone proofread this and give suggestions or comments about please Its for Penn Foster Personal Narrative and Wri class=