Answer:
Yes, it's good, but you need to add commas and other punctuation in some places.
Explanation:
(I put the corrections in bold) As I put the creature in the container, I slammed the lid shut and got close to the container. It looked kind of cute despite it’s razor-sharp teeth and deadly eyes. It was quite short. Out of nowhere the creature jumped in an attempt to escape. I quickly lurched and held the container, trying to keep the beast contained inside.
“Alyssa, what was that noise, are you hurt?” exclaimed my mother.
“No mom, I hit my foot on the corner of the hallway,” I yelled back.
“Oh, ok keep it down. I don’t want to doze off to sleep just for you to wake me up again,” she said while yawning. Then she went to sleep. I started shushing the creature.
“What am I doing, it obviously doesn’t understand me,” I thought to myself.
“I can understand what you're thinking, doing and saying,” said an unfamiliar voice. I looked down at the monster.
“Did you say that?” I asked with an awfully confused tone.
“Well who else is there?” said the creature with a very sarcastic tone. "Can ya let me out of this cage? I don't like tight spaces ya know.”
“Ok, but on one condition.”
“What condition?”
“1, you have to tell me who and what you are. 2, you have to tell me what you were doing in the forest.'' We sat in silence for quite some time until he spoke.
“Hmm…..fine, I suppose I could tell you. After all, I sense something different about you than other humans.”
“What does that mean?”
“First, all ‘creatures’ have rankings: all-powerful and weaklings, good and bad..”
“Ok, so what are you?”
“I'm a Dolywark; 7th ranking in powerful uncontrollable magic.”
“So then what is your name, or is it Dolywark?”
“Of course it's not Dolywark, my name is Hazuki Inosma, what is your name?”
“My name is Alyssa Oaks,” I said, trying to make it sound fancy.
